Love Consistency

Maaga pa. Halos mag na-9 na. Halos kauuwe ko lang galing sa pagkikita namin. Fifty nine months na kame. Sa halos mag lilimang taon na kami, paulit ulit lang yung nangyyre smen. Away, bati, away, bati. Minsan masaya pero mas madalas yung hinde. Sabi nila kapag lumagpas raw ng tatlong taon at kayo pa din, ibig sbhn kayo na talaga magkakatuluyan. Sa totoo lang hindi ako naniniwala dun. I don't believe in destiny. I believe that there's no such thing like serendipity, fate or kismet. I don't know, but the thing that i really believe is the power of love. On how you handle your relationship with someone. Hindi mo naman kasi talaga masasabi kung kayo na talaga. Ayun lang siguro yung nakatatak sa isip mo kaya isa ka sa naniniwala sa destiny. Naniniwala ko sa Diyos, na may kakayanan siyang i-control ang mundo. Kahit naman kinokontrol ng Diyos ang mundo, tao pa rin yung magdedesisyon. Halos 6 months na ata nung huli akong nag publish ng post dito. Nag popost lang nmn kasi ko ako kapag hindi ok yung pakiramdam ko.

Kanina kasi, may nasabi ako na hindi ko dapat sabihin. Di ko alam kung anong pumasok sa kukote ko at nasabi ko yun. Bakit ba kasi ganito kakitid ulo ko? Ang tanga tanga ko. Yung taong sobra sobra pagmamahal sakin parang nilalayo ko mismo sakin, though alam kong hindi ko din nmn talaga kayang iwan siya at maiwan mag-isa. Habang tumatagal, lalong nggng kumplikado ang bawat araw samin. Sabayan mo pa ng sandamakmak na requirements sa sschool. Naisingit ko pa talaga yung pakikippaghiwalay ngayong stress na stress na kaming dalawa. Tanga ka talaga ashen! @#$%^*?!! ayan dapat sayo! minumura, sinasampal, tinadayakan para magising sa katotohanan! Hindi na talaga tama ginagawa ko. Sana patawarin mo ko sa mga oras na sobrang sakit na yung nasasabi ko sayo. Sumabog lang agad ako kanina at nabigla. Huwag mo sanang isipin na hindi na kita mahal. Ako pa talaga may ganang mag emote ng ganito e ako na nga yung nanakit. Para sa boyfriend ko, pasensya ka na sa katikiran ko ng ulo ko. Sa tuwing inaaway kita, hindi kinakausap, hndi tinetext. Hindi ko gusto yun. Mataas lang talaga pride ko. Patawarin mo dn ako sa mga times na nasusungitan kita at nakakapagsalita ng masasakit na salita sayo. Hindi ko mean lahat ng yun. At sa mga oras na nagkakagnun tayo, ikaw pa mismo yung umaayos at umaako ng kamalian kahit at the first place ako naman talaga may kasalanan. Thank you at hindi ka nagsasawang mahalin ako kahit ganito ko. Minsan naisip ko, paano ka nga ba nagkagisto sakin? anong nagustuhan mo? Hndi naman ako maganda at lalong hindi mabait. Bugnutin at mainitin ulo ko pero gusto mo pa rin ako. Sa tingin ko nagayuma ata kita at ganyan mo ko msydong mahalin kahit sa 100% love na binibigay mo e ni hindi nasusuklian ng appreciation sakin. Masyado ksi akong selfish. Katulad kanina, sarili ko lang iniisip ko. Mas gsto ko pang hindi tyo magkita kesa ma-out of place sa mga kaklase mo. Tapos makikipaghiwalay pa ko sayo. Bilib na bilib ako kahit minsan hindi mo naisip na iwan ako. Kahit di mo sabihin alam kong may sakit lagi sa puso mo dhil sakin. Punong puno na siguro ng aches yang pusong yan. Pero kahit ganun patuloy pa rin yung pagmamahal mo sakin. Sabi ko sayo kanina, hindi ko kayang sabihin sayo yung nraramdaman ko ng harapan. Kaya ito dito ko na lang sinabi. Hayaan mo papakabait na ko, iiwasan ko na ang mabilis na galit sayo. Mas iintndihin na kita. Hindi na ko mag iinarte at mabebeastmode lagi. Hindi na tayo iiyak in public, hindi na kita paiiyakin, hindi na kita sasaktan at di ko na ipaparamdam sayo na hindi na kita mahal. Naalala mo ba nung second year? magkatabi tayo, nung time na hinawakan mo kamay ko kasi tinitingnn mo yung singsing ko na sa lola ko dati? Dun nagsimula lahat hnggng sa ngkatextan na tayo. Hanggang sa naging tayo. Yung pag iintay mo sakin pagpasok sa school at pag awas? hanggang service pinupuntahan mo ko. Tpos pagkauwe magkatext pa rin tayo. Hnggng hatinggabi. Kwek kwek, fishball o proben masaya na tayo. Hindi man tayo katulad ng mga mag syotang nagdadate kung saan saan e mas strong naman relasyon natin sa kanila. Hindi man tayo nakakagala sa malalayo e okay lang satin. 59 months tayong ganun. May away man sa loob ng 59 buwan na yun e naaayos agad. Dumadating man tayo sa punto ng paghihiwalay e naaayos din natin sa huli. Eto tayo mag lilimang taon na. Pero ako pa rin yung unang bumibitaw sa lahat ng napagdaanan natin. Di ko man lang naisip yung msasayang araw na magkasama tayo. Mahal na mahal kita beh sobra sobra. Ugali ko lang ang mali.
Pasensyahn mo na ko ha? I love you JHASTER! Ikaw lang una at huli kong mamahalin. Magbabago na ko. Wag ka magsawang intindihin ako ha? Mahal na mahal kita. Lahat ng away natin papalitan ko ng masasayang tawa. Hindi na iyak. Wag mo ng isipin yung kanina ha? :*

HAPPY 59TH MONTHSARY!!! 

(Next monthsary natin di na away regalo ko)

Love and Compassion 🌠

3:10pm

Do everything with love and compassion.

!!!

Yes! You heard/saw it right! Still, i have posted something again on my blog. Two consecutive days na! And as you can see, i'm still typing this blog in an english language. This time I prefer to use english everytime i'll be posting in this blog. No particular reason, just want to enhance my vocabulary hahaha! Isn't it too maartè?xD. Well, another reason why i decided again to post something here is, for me to share or advice. Apparently, I'm an education student from a certain institute. I chose this course for people says that this type of job is in-demand today. When i'm also at the young age, i can visualize myself as a teacher. Maybe because my mother is also a teacher. I used to idolized her. I did not also chose this course because of it's high salary. I really think that this field is a "calling".
Like, seriously, i want to aspire children by imparting knowledge to them. I want to inspire them by knowing the good from wrong. You know what? God never fails me. I really enjoyed my field. Education is not just an easy course. You have to be patient at all times. So many things to do. Lesson plans, demo, thesis etc. People says that this course is just an easy thing. Be on our position and you'll see. There's a time where you have to be awoke in midnight for you to finish some stuffs. For you to be ready for tomorrow. As i can see with my mother, everynight, she makes sure that everytime she'll come at school, all the things needed are packed up.
Teaching is a noble profession. You have to be selfless. You have to be responsible. You have to commit yourself here. Give your 101 % no matter what. I'm on my halfway to this field and i am really proud of myself that i have come here. For about two semesters i will be a graduating student. Now, i been working with my thesis. This time i have to give my full effort to finish this. I dont have a clue how to end this thing but i'm working on it. I know God will provide. Just like i told you earlier, i am posting this as an advice. If you love what are you doing? Then you have to do it with love and compassion. And me? I really love it. Though it's not that easy, i still want my parents to be proud of me. Not just for them but also for me. Wishing that God might guide me everytime. Goodluck self! Hahaha.


😊😊😊

Start of second semester :)

12-02-15

Wednesday


My day has really been tiring yet productive. I have met our new profs in some of our subjects. Basically, it has been already two weeks ago since the second semester had started, but as i can see few lessons are being discussed, thinking that prelim is coming next week. This day, i'm thinking of writing a part of my day here. First, is with our subject "Econ1". When i first heard the subject economics, the first thing that comes in mind is numbers. Guess i'm wrong haha, you know what? It's a subject where you have to speak in english hahaha, in short, it is a subj for a students' memorization.
This subject has two sides: scary and exciting. Scary for every chapter has really loooongggg topics that may explode my mind in memorizing it. And it is really exciting 'coz we'll be able to speak in english every one and a half hour of our day hahaha. Jokingly, my instructor told our class that we should not speak the so-called "english carabao" for we are not carabaos coz we're humans. I guess we really should push ourselves to talk the way she wanted to whether we like it or not hahaha. Now, i been wondering of what will be the benefits of speaking in english for us , like duh?we're future educators, i think the reason why she's doing this it for us to be ready to be a good communicator and instructor for it is our profession to share knowledge to children and help them to learn something that no one can get. Also the main objective of it is, for us to speak in english confidently in the nearer future of our career.
Public speaking is really important in our profession. I can still remember my subject in speech when i was still a highschool student. Ms. Len, our teacher, used to talked her students in english. You know what? She's really fluent. I love how she speaks. She has a good rapport. I admire her, on how she teach her students using english language without leaving a question on our heads in the end of our session. I'm a bit nostalgic about the word "glossophobia" or the fear of public speaking. At some point in my life, i'm really into this situation. I'm afraid of facing other people esp if the crowd is not familiar.
I think this college, i have exerted my full effort to talk in a public way. Maybe bec. it is part of my position in the class as a president. Basically, a president shouldn't be lame. And it is really the old me. As a president, i have learned a lot. To be selfless, in a way that i prefer to be tired for the class rather than to be relax and not be alarmed of what is happening. I'm doing my best to give my full shot on everything that the teacher will ask me to do, as long that is for the benefit of the class. To be patient in all things. Especially in handling my co-mates, i have found out their ways on how they react to something or what. Their agreements and disagreements. From the start, i know that all of them has their own personalities. And i should be aware of that. And lastly, i have learned to communicate with them. No matter how close or how far am i with them. I have learned their do's and don'ts. Their ways to express themselves. I know, in the near future that we all be close and be bonded tight not just classmates but as a family :) this section is the best, students with diversities but work as a team! Love you guys! :)


Anyways.. Apparently, i been typing this blog for 30 minutes hahaha, earlier i've asked my boyfriend if we could talk in english with at least 30 minutes a day (as in straight english xD) and he agreed. Guess it will be nice if we might find ourselves talking in english everyday hahaha. The main reason why i suddenly post something again on my blog is for my english grammar. You know, PRACTICING! HAHAHA!?!


Today has been really great.
I guess so.


*Ps: I'm preparing myself for thesis. :'(





#9:27pm.

Love is a sacrifice.

Love is a sacrifice, you have to give up any thing just to be with someone you love. Mapa-papamilya man yan, pagkakaibign lalo na sa taong pinakamamahal mo. Lhat ng yan may sakripisyo. Ganun tlaga e. Kung kaya mo magsakripisyo sa isang tao ibig sabhn mhl mo ang taong yun. 10:54pm na ngyn May 27, 2015. Ang totoo kakatpos lang namin mag diskurso, taray nung diskurso di ba? Hahaha. No i mean, kakatpos lng nmn mg away (ng bf ko). Naisipan ko lang ishare to sa blog ko. Gnito kse yun ngsimula ang lht sa pgtulog niya ng maaga kse nga mag eenroll daw siya. Ako naman gnito expression ng mukha nung nabasa ko txt nia d(o.o)b ung tipong paluha na at payamot na haha. Gnito nmn ako lge e.

Plgeng ng hahanap ng away. Sa totoo lng hndi ko rin naiintndhn srli ko mnsn. Do you ever get in those really weird moods that you can't even explain what you're feeling it's like everythings mixed together all at once? Tlgng nghalo halo? Kaloka di ba? Kya guys should understand us. Isa lang ang sigurado ko pg gnitong ngkakasagutn n kme. *Dandandandan* mgkakaroon ng WWIII. Ewan ko ba sa sobrng busy niya sa school, imagine 6-6 sia lge pti sabado baksyon man o pasukan kse my summer class din siya, ang hirap mgng girlfriend ng engineer sinasabi ko sa inyo, lalo na nxt yr 6am-9pm na ata siya sa layo ng bahay nila anung oras pa siya mkakauwe at maittext ako? :O (nga nga) gnito lng cycle ng buong araw niya, gcng maaga, uwe ng gabi then tlog maaga,gcng,tlog and so on and so far. Sadnu?. Hanga din nmn ako sa kanya kse konti na lang ang mga lalaking maasikaso lalo na sa school.

As the saying goes.. "The poorest man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without purpose." Tama nmn di ba?Dpt kht mhrp k my pangarp ka at dahilan sa mundo sabe nga ng paborito kong author na si John Mason: "Don't live within your means." Sobrang proud ako diyan kht hirp n hirap go pa din, gusto nya course niya e prng ako pinasok nya yun e. Ako nmn eto ngpapaka immature e alm ko nmng para din s knya at smen ang gngwa niya. Sometimes i have to think of something na ikakagulo nmn. Something na mgbubunga ng away, sa gnun mang praan nakakausp ko siya ng masinsinan at mtgl, ayun nga lang AWAY hndi usap masaya. 

Natutuwa dn nmn ako sa knya kse pguwe nia glng klse hndi sia nttlog ng hndi ikwenekwento ang buong mghpon niya. Kung may problema sa relasyon nmn? Yun ay ORAS, masasabi kong matino ang boyfriend ko. Wlang bisyo, ng aarl mabuti, wlang issue ng babae yun lng mnsn na siyang naadik sa DOTA, pero ok lng past is past haha. We fight a lot but we end up with reconciliation every fight wlang away na hndi ng sorry ang isa't isa and that's how i am proud with our relationship. At the end of the day, we still love each other kht anung unos man o away kalye man ito. Teka anu nga bang sense ng mga pinagsasabi ko dto sa blog na ito?

Exactly 42 months and 13 days na kame ngyn. Pero gnito p din yung cycle ng relationship nmn. There's no perfect relationship nmn e.

11:19pm habang tinatype ko to medyo inaantok na ko, pero ang dmeng sumasagi sa utak ko so i think of God na lgeng nndyn pra i-guide ako sa mga ggwen at gngwa ko. He's like a doctor to me, but the consultation is free, he's my strength,that i know he'll never leave me. Kahit pa ang mga tao may mga ksalnn we have to trust HIM. Talk to him. Hindi porket my problema ka e dun ka lang ttawag sa knya. 

The devil's number one tool is not an active sinner, but an inactive christian. Kya dpt we must always talk to God. Dpt hndi puro hinaing, just like what am i doing. 

Lge kong ikwinkwento lht ng nangyyre sken mghpon. At dun? Kht may mga problema gumagaan ang pkirmdm ko :) gnun lang nmn yun we have to trust God. Sa usapang sakripisyo? Siya ung pnaka may nakakakaalm. So sa laht ng pngdadaann at sakit na nrrmdmn ko sa knya ko n ipinagpapaubaya. Pabiro akong tao pero totoo malapit ako Kay God. Time check 11:26pm ngtxt siya(bf ko) nakakailan na d ko nrereplyn. Hindi ko napansin yung 10 kgs na luha ko nawala dhil nakausp ko si God :))). Sometimes it's hard for me to understand what you really want to happen but I trust you. I know you'll give me what's best. Kayo na po bahala saken.


Knna ko pa siang tnxt 10:42. Yun ang bgong style ko ang wag mgreply pra iwas away, lalo lang kme mg aaway. In my part, nalabas ko lht ng gsto kong sbhn.

Sakripisyo.

Cutting classes, absence in class, paguwe ng gabi, pag aanty sa wlang kasiguraduhan. Lahat ng yun gnwa ko pra smen. Kht pa grades ko nakasalalay. Di ko nmn sinasabing gwen nio rin yun. Pero kht naabsent ako or cutting nakakahabol pa din ako sa klse nitong last 2 semesters ngng DL ako. Pero nng 1st yr? First and last hindi. Siguro dhl sa absents ko dme n kse e hahaha. Pero ngyng 2nd yr hndi na ako naabsent ngng grade concious na ko e. My actual goals are to be so successful and independent that i can spoil myself and my family and do what i love and go where i want whenever. Balik tyo. Ayun nga ngflashback lhat. Lahat lahat ng paghhrp ko. Kaya ko pa ba to? Kya ko pa mgsacrifice smen?

Ang hrp grbe. Kya ko p bng mg anty ng txt niya ng mtgl n oras? Mg anty sa pgkkta nmen n d nmn mttloy?umabsent pra mgkta kme? Grbe ang gling ko din ngwa ko un sa loob ng 2 taon nmn s college. Sbe ko nga sa love mrmng sakripisyo, siempre pti sia may mga sakripisyo din. At yun ung pg aarl. Preho nmn kmeng ng aarl preho kmeng nhhrpn bkt ako yung mas hirap? :/ (sakit na ng dliri ko kakatype pero kya pa) bgo ko mg goodnght s knya sbe ko kung hndi niya ko kyng isabay s mga gngwa nia mas ok na.... *tooot* magbreak na kme pero d ko nasabe kse ngpromse akong d ko n ule ggwen yun. Saying you're tired, when actually you are really sad lang nemen.I think the most painful way of solving a problem? Saying goodbye kya d ko ntloy yung ssbhn ko e i cutted it to goodnght message. We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. Ang hrp ng part ko grbe. Kya mo ba tlga Sen? :3 sa puso kaya ko sa utak hndi na ata ung iniisip ko p lng nppgod n ko. Susubukan ko pa din. Sbe ko nga i have to trust him and God.Not to decide is to decide. Bahala na. 

Sa lahat ng sinabe ko nakalipas ang ilang minutong pag ttype nito? Half an hour (hndi biro un ha ngalay na ko) isa lang masasabe ko. Mahal ko tlga siya :) kse lht ng to kya kong gwen pra sa knya. Someday mababasa mo din tong blog ko. Mtatawa k n lng s kdrmahan ko dto. Kung nabbasa mo to, ang mssbe ko lang sayo. Pagpatuloy mo ung pangarp mo sa buhay.  Make your parents proud lalo na si lola favorite k p nmn nun.Goodluck :) sana pg natupad mo lht ng pngrp mo ksama mo ko sa mga oras na yun. (oh hihirit ka sasabhn mo for sure tyo n mgksma in the near future) hndi mo mssbe yan si God lang. Ngyong mga oras na to hndi na ko tmpo o glit sayo :P d lang kta tnxt gsto ko n lng klmtn ung mga napguspn nten. Wla e gnun tlga. Sacrifice lang palage. Ingt ka lage. Love you more a bit everyday :* miss you. Hope to see you soon. Sorry sa lht. Keep smiling :D 

Love is all the matters......

:)

Eto ko ngayon

12:32am.

:) O.O :/ :3 -.-

kinda emotional, kinda emotionless...

Goodnight.

.

.

.

Once a thomasian, always a thomasian.

 Oh Alma Mater kind and dear. 

We sing your phrases far and near.

 At home, at school, on land and sea. 

The thought of you is dear to me

So dear to us is the STA,

with love our hearts enfold here. 

Stand,stand by the STA, The STA. Stick to the principles of the STA.

I miss being a highschool student :( Lalo na ang school na ito. Sana inabot na lang ako ng K-12 pra hnggng ngyn , ung mga kklse ko noon at ako e dto pa din napasok. Sa school na to ako natuto mgng religious at ntto ma mkipgcommunicate ky God. Dito ko rin nkita ung mga totoong kaibgan na hndi ako iiwann kht kelan. Sa school na to, anythng is possible. Lalo na sa classroom kse nggng family ang isang section. Yung tipong mgkakaptid kme lahat at ang nanay or tatay nmn ang aming teacher. At siempre dto mo rn mkkta at mrrmdm ang lahat ng FIRST mo haha. First crush, first boyfriend/girlfriend, kht nga first menstruation e hahaha. Yung first AWAY, ung tipong nddla ka sa disciplne office haha. Pero proud ako at di ko naranasan ma D.O nng highschool , goodgirl kse ko hahaha. Samantlng mga kklse ko maya't maya sa D.O sa school nmn ang twg sa D.O ay PSB. Kmeng mga higschool eh tkot na tkot sa room na to, dto mo mkkta laht ng makukulit na estudyante hahah, mga wlang ID, may cutics, mahabng kuko, nkipg away, ngcheat, may kulay ang buhok, black ang medyas, wlang ribbon, at ang mhgpt na bwl smen is PDA (Public display of affection) . Pero mdme p dn sa batch nmn un gnun hahaha. Mga mag syota na hndi mpigilan ang sarili hahaha. Sa school din na to, wlang araw na hndi ng dadasal. Every subject may dasal, kaya dto ntuto ko plgng summba pag linggo, kelangn kse ng mass card e. Sa school dn na to, expect the unexpected, kse lahat ng programs dto, prepared lahat ng tao. Mapa sportsfest pa yan, intrams, Js prom, foundation day. Ang pnkafavorite ko dian? Siempre Js prom kht isang beses lang nagaganap sa buhay ng isang estudynte. Grbe lang tlga memorable yun, HE's my FIRST and LAST dance, that night. :)♥. Isa pa eh ung foundation , tgisan ng talents yan, Mga Mr. And Ms. STA, thomasians got talent. Nkktwa nga e mnsn sumali ko diyan. Duo kme ng bestfriend ko. Kakahya man e tlgng kelangn, bawat room kse is kelangn ng representatives, siempre wley magagawa teacher ko n ung ng utos hahah, hndi man kme nanalo is masaya nmn ung experience. At siempre dmtng na ung Senior Year, sbe nga nila "The hardest part is saying goodbye". Dumaan ang june,july,august.... march. Graduation day, lahat ngflashback sken, mula pgka fetus ko hnggng sa ngng ganap na dalaga na ko. Nakakaiyak that time kse ung 4 na taon mong pamamalagi sa school na yun e hndi na uli mangyyre  mga kklse , kaibgn, teachers, kht boyfriend mo e mamimss mo. Siempre iba iba na school nmn. Sa buong batch ko nga, 2 lang ata kmeng sa Institute na pnpsukan ko ngyn, kung may chnce lang tlga llipat ako ng school, dun sa school na may mga kaibgn ako. Hrp kse mg adjust. Lalo na nng first day ng college. Grbe, loner ako. Tmwg nga ko that time kay mommy, at sbe ko ayoko na school na yun at umiiyak ako nn. Isip bata tlga ko hahaha. Hnggng nkklala ko ung mga kaibgn ko ngayn, si badeth at carla . Cmula noon, naenjoy ko na din ung college life kht papano. Sa tngn ko ang nghubog tlga ng ugali ko e ang school ko dte na St. Thomas Academy. Dme ko tlgng natutunan. Tndang tnda ko pa nga at saulong saulo pa ung vision at mission ng school nmn e hahah. Kung maiibalik ko lang, sana highschool na lang uli ako. Pero hndi eh , we have to move forward. For brighter future college life? kaya yan  Aja!

People say high school is about getting an education and getting into a good college to succeed in life. Well, to me, high school is about making memories and good times that will last forever.

High school will always be a drama zone. It takes the strongest and smartest to know how to avoid it and for me graduating high school will be the saddest day of my life.

Dte sbe ko gsto ko na grumaduate at mgng college, pero ngsisisi na ko hahaha. Gnun nmn tlga buhay e, lahat ng bagay may hangganan. Kahit buhay pa yan. 

Go follow me on instagram and twitter: @clargonzaga

Life.

\

Yeahhh.

Yung feeling na walang pasok ngayon hahaha. Rak na ituuu.